Only the Strong Survive
by Topsy
Summary: Different version of what happens after Sharp Relief
1. Only the Strong Survive

Please title this page. (Page 1)

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July 18th-19th, 01 

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This is a different version of Sharp Relief. But it's unlike any other, at least that I've read. And I'm almost positive I've read every D/C fanfic available on the internet. Thanks to Jenn for helping me formulate the idea. 

[-----[]-----] 

"And um...And I slept with him." Doug's entire world stopped in the one whispered sentence. For what seemed like days, but was merely moments, Doug was completely numb and void of anything that was happening. Then a sudden wave of nausea washed over him and a fist tightened around his heart as he felt the rush of every negative emotion in existence. 

It took some more time, but finally his limbs remembered how to move. Stiffly, he walked to where he had left his coat draped over a chair. Carol lifted out a hand towards Doug. 

"I'm so sorry, Doug." She said. He turned to her and nodded. 

"Thank you for telling me." He swallowed the lump in his throat and exited the house, throwing his coat on. He rushed to his jeep before Carol could make up her mind and follow him. As he drove down the road, he realized he had nowhere to go. He'd gotten rid of his apartment just the week before. He didn't want to go to Mark's house, because then he would have to explain everything that happened and Doug wasn't sure he was quite clear on that himself. 

So he simply drove around town, contemplating getting something to drink, but finally decided against it. Just because this happened, didn't mean he should become a drunk again. Finally he stopped at a small motel in downtown Chicago where he stayed for the night. 

[-----[]-----] 

The next day Doug walked into work, head bowed as he made his way into the lounge. He acknowledged Carter with a tired nod and hung his coat in his locker before heading out of the lounge. He walked to the admit desk and looked at the board. 

"No pedes?" Doug asked. 

"Nope." Jerry replied. Doug nodded and grabbed a stack of charts before heading down the hall to an empty exam room. Jerry, Lydia, and Peter looked after him. 

"Is there something wrong with him?" Peter asked. 

"Looks that way." Lydia said. Jerry shrugged. 

"Who knows. He seemed happy yesterday." 

Meanwhile, Doug piled his charts onto the gurney and pulled up a stool. He lifted a pen and looked down at the charts. Then he stopped and buried his face into his hands and sighed gruffly. 

[-----[]-----] 

Carol walked into the lounge that morning and saw Mark sitting on the couch. 

"Mark?" He looked up. 

"Oh, hey Carol." 

"Is Doug here?" She asked. Mark shrugged. 

"Yeah, he's in Exam Three doing paperwork. Jerry said he seemed upset." Mark baited her. Carol didn't latch onto it, she just nodded. 

"Thanks Mark." Carol said. She walked into the hallway and went to the admit desk. Jerry smiled at her. 

"Hey Carol." She smiled slightly. 

"Hey Jer." 

"And how are you this morning?" He asked. 

"I'm okay." She lied. He nodded. 

"Good. So, what's up with Dr. Ross? He didn't seem like himself." Jerry said. Carol looked Jerry and shrugged. 

"I'm not sure. I haven't seen him since last night." She said. Jerry nodded and saw the pain shimmering behind the fake look of puzzlement in Carol's eyes. He understood. 

"I see." Jerry smiled and answered the phone as it rang. Carol nodded and pushed a hand through her hair. Maybe she should go talk to him. But then she decided against it, figuring if she was going to do any talking that she should wait until he had more time to think about what she had told him. 

She turned just as she saw Greg Powell pushing a gurney into the ER, his partner on his side. Mark and Carter rushed up to the gurney and Carol saw at a quick glance that it was another elderly rape victim. She would normally have wanted to go help out, but she could not face Greg. 

"Fuck." She muttered and scurried away from the desk before Greg could catch sight of her. She knew she would have to face him later, but she couldn't do it now, not so soon. 

[-----[]-----] 

The next day, Carol still hadn't talked to Doug or Greg. But as fate would have it, she rounded the corner and ran right into Greg. He smiled and caught her elbows in his hands. 

"Hey Carol." He said. She smiled and swallowed, looking around quickly. 

"Hey Greg." She said. 

"How are you?" He asked. She nodded. 

"I'm okay. Look.." 

"I was wondering.." Greg cut her off. She stopped and looked up at him. "Are you free anytime? I was thinking, maybe, we could...go out sometime." Greg smiled, hinting at what had happened between them two nights ago. Carol shook her head. 

"Greg..There's something we need to talk about." Carol said. 

"What?" He asked. 

"Let's go in the lounge." Carol walked around Greg and met Doug's gaze head on. She froze and stared at the blank look on his face. Then before she could say anything, he turned and walked away. She knew he had heard every word of the conversation, he was a mere foot from Greg's back. Carol continued on into the lounge, Greg on her heel. 

She turned to him and he smiled. 

"Greg.." She sighed and put a hand to her forehead and looked down at the floor. He touched her elbow. 

"Carol, what's wrong?" He asked. 

"I can't go out with you." Carol said. Greg's hand dropped. 

"What?" He asked. Carol looked up at him and let out a deep sigh at the hurt she saw in his eyes. 

"What happened between us....was....It shouldn't have happened." Carol said. Greg took a step back. Carol's heart clenched a bit. She didn't want to hurt him, she did like him. But..She couldn't. "I'm dating someone...Or I was. And it was pretty serious." She paused and looked down. "I love him," She admitted, "and I've hurt him badly by betraying him. And I've hurt you because I misled you." She stopped and swallowed before meeting his gaze again. "I'm sorry." 

He nodded. 

"Well, thank you for telling me before...Things got out of hand." Carol's heart clenched as she remembered Doug saying those same words when she told him. 

"Greg, I am sorry." She said. He nodded and squeezed her hand. 

"I hope you work things out with him." Carol smiled. 

"Thank you for understanding." She said. He nodded and smiled. 

"You're welcome. Well, I better go." Greg said. She nodded slightly and watched as he exited the lounge. She walked to the sink and turned the water on. She filled a Styrofoam cup with water and took a swallow. Then she threw the cup away and gave herself a few moments to recuperate before she pulled the door of the lounge open and walked out. She caught Doug's gaze once more but quickly looked away and walked down the hallway. 

He sighed. He was not dealing well with this. She looked miserable and exhausted and by the looks of her and Greg, she hadn't given him good news. And Doug knew how Carol hated to hurt someone's feelings when she liked them. But then he stopped. 

He was the 'victim' here. He was the one she couldn't commit to, couldn't trust, couldn't...marry. He sighed and signed a chart with a flurry and threw it into the pile with a slam. Several of the people standing around looked at him but he simply stalked off, ignoring their looks. 

[-----[]-----] 

Elizabeth, Doug, Lydia, and Carol were working on an auto accident with a little boy. Doug was trying his best to ignore Carol and ask Lydia for everything he needed. Elizabeth noticed this but didn't say a word as the child needed their full attention. Suddenly Carol stopped and made a face. Elizabeth and Doug glanced up at her. 

"I think I'm going to be sick." She said, suddenly pale. Doug's head came up a little and a worried look passed over his face before she ran out of the trauma room. Doug watched her go but turned back to the patient. She wasn't his concern anymore. 

They sent the young boy up to surgery minutes later and Doug headed back to the admit desk with Lydia. Carol was sitting in a chair, writing on a chart. 

"Carol, are you okay?" Lydia asked. Carol looked up. 

"Yeah, I'm fine now. Must've ate something I shouldn't have." She said. Doug listened but didn't look at Carol, or comment. Carol watched him briefly before sighing and turning back to the chart. He picked up another and headed up to treat a child with a stomach ache. 

[-----[]-----] 

"I can't seem to figure out what's wrong with me." Carol said. She was talking to Mark. They were sitting in the lounge before their shifts started. Doug walked into the lounge. Carol looked at him but he simply went to his locker. 

"Are you sure it's not the flu?" Mark asked. Carol smiled. 

"Mark, you're a doctor. Do I look like I have the flu?" She asked. He shook his head. 

"No, I guess not. Maybe you should let me run some tests." Mark said. Doug shrugged into his coat. 

"Mark, it's not that important." She said. 

"Fine, if you change your mind, you let me know." Mark said. 

"I will." Doug turned and headed out of the lounge and out of the ER. Carol hung her head. 

"Carol, what's going on between the two of you? I haven't seen you talk to each other in the past week." 

"We're not together anymore." She murmured. 

"What? Why not?" Mark asked. 

"I screwed up." Carol ran a hand through her hair. 

"What happened?" Mark asked. Carol shrugged. She needed to tell someone. All of it was bottled up inside of her and she needed someone to know. She knew she could trust Mark. 

"Whatever I tell you is in confidence. You can't tell anyone." Carol said. Mark nodded. 

"Alright. I won't." 

"You know Greg Powell?" Mark nodded. "I slept with him." Carol lowered her head. Mark froze and watched her. 

"And you told Doug.." 

"Of course." Carol sighed. "He deserved to know that I was unfaithful. After all those times when he did it to me...I actually did it to him. I can't believe myself." 

"Why'd you do it then?" 

"Because...I felt...pressured. Doug wanted me to marry him, as you know. It felt like...Tag...all over again." Carol sighed. "And then Greg kissed me when we were at the elderly rape victim's house, looking for her cat. And I let him take me home because I wanted....I don't know." Carol shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. "I was pressured and scared and stupid. So stupid." She clenched her fists. "And I lost him." Suddenly all the anger just seemed to seep from her and left her limp. The tears began to fall. "I don't know what to do, Mark. I miss him. I love him." She stressed. "And I hurt him. He won't take me back, Mark. I don't even have to ask him if he would." 

"You've not talked to him at all?" Mark asked, rubbing a hand over her back. She shook her head. 

"Not since the night it happened and I told him." 

"Maybe you should. See what he has to say." Carol shook her head and reached up and dug her fingers into her eyes. 

"I don't know, Mark. He wouldn't want to listen to me." 

"Let me talk to him." 

"Mark, I don't know what good that'll do. It will probably just piss him off because I talked to you about it." Carol sighed. 

"Let me give it a try." Carol shrugged wearily. 

"Whatever you want to do. It doesn't matter." 

"It'll be okay, Carol." 

"No, Mark. I hurt him. I don't know if things will be okay." Mark sighed and nodded. 

"Just believe it'll be better, okay?" Carol nodded. 

"'Kay." Mark nodded and watched her for a few moments before he exited the lounge. Carol burst into tears, ignoring the fact that she was at work. Moments later Elizabeth walked into the lounge, heading for the coffee, but she heard Carol's weak sobs and she whirled around. 

"Carol?" Carol looked up but didn't cease to stop. "What's wrong?" Elizabeth asked. She rushed to Carol's side and gathered Carol into her arms. Carol let Elizabeth hug her as she sobbed. 

"I'm...sorry." 

"Shhh...Just let it go." Minutes later, Carol pulled away and let out a mix between a sob and a hiccup. 

"I didn't mean to lay that all on you." Elizabeth smiled. 

"You didn't. Want to talk about it?" 

"I already did with Mark." Carol said. Elizabeth nodded. 

"Okay." She replied. Carol looked at her. 

"It's Doug." She said. Elizabeth nodded. 

"I figured something was wrong." Carol nodded and wrung her hands. 

"I think I've lost him. For good." 

"Well then, I believe you deserved every second of that cry. And more." Carol smiled weakly. 

"Thanks Liz." Elizabeth's heart warmed at the sound of her nickname. Elizabeth was glad to have a female friend at County. Finally. 

"You're welcome." Elizabeth smiled. 

"I'll tell you about it later, but if I start again, I think I'll have to cry some more." Carol said. Elizabeth nodded. 

"Alright. You can talk to me whenever, about anything." Elizabeth stood up. "I better get back to work. Will you be alright?" 

"I'll be fine." Carol smiled and watched as Elizabeth walked out of the lounge. Carol sighed and sniffled, sitting in silence for awhile before heading back to work. 

[-----[]-----] 

Carol sat in her bathroom, staring down at the little contraption in her hands with a stunned look on her face. Quickly she stood and threw the pregnancy test on the ground. No, this wasn't happening. She could not be pregnant. Carol backed out of the bathroom and into her bedroom. She bumped into the bed and stood, frozen as she stared at the bathroom door. Suddenly she crumpled onto the bed and began to sob. 

[-----[]-----] 

"How's your insomnia and headaches?" Mark asked Carol the next day. Her heart clenched. 

"All better." Carol replied and saw Doug listening out of the corner of her eye. 

"You sure?" Mark asked. Carol smiled and nodded. 

"Yeah. Problem solved." She said and walked off. Doug turned to Mark. 

"She's having headaches and insomnia?" Doug asked. 

"Was, apparently." Doug nodded and swallowed. He couldn't help but worry about her. 

[-----[]-----] 

Later Doug was in the drug lock-up, looking for some pain medication for a patient. Carol walked in and stood in the doorway, trapping him inside. 

"Doug?" She asked softly. He ignored her. "Please, Doug, don't do that." 

"Do what?" He muttered. She felt a slight tremble in her heart. He was talking to her again. If only a little. 

"I need to talk to you. Before you argue," She held up a hand, "it's really important. You need to hear it. It's something I must tell you." 

"Fine." Doug said. 

"I can't talk here. Can we go to lunch?" She asked. Doug sighed. 

"Meet me at Doc Magoo's in an hour." He said. She nodded. 

"Thank you." She murmured and back out of the lock-up. 

[-----[]-----] 

An hour later, Doug walked into Doc Magoo's. He looked around and spotted Carol sitting alone, playing with the glass the waitress had placed in front of her. Carol hadn't seen him yet. You could still leave, he thought, but then Carol looked up and caught his eye. He made his way to the booth and sat across from her. The waitress came to the table and took Doug's order of coffee. 

Carol and Doug met each other's gaze before Doug shifted and looked away. Carol sighed and closed her eyes for the briefest of moments. 

"I don't know how to tell you this." Carol whispered and shook her head. "It's the most difficult thing I've ever had to tell anyone. Ever." Carol said. Doug's heart thumped in his chest and panic settled into his stomach with a dull ache. Carol looked up and met his gaze. "I'm pregnant." She murmured. For the second time in the past three weeks, Doug's entire world stopped and he went numb in disbelief. "With Greg's baby." Carol murmured, watching Doug. He was suddenly a sickly green color. Doug swallowed. 

"Alright." He said. Carol's eyes filled with tears and she looked down. 

"I'm sorry, Doug." 

"For what?" He asked sarcastically and shook his head. "Look, I'm glad that you felt the need to tell me this, really. But shouldn't you be sharing this happy news with Greg?" He asked. A tear slid from Carol's eye. 

"I'm not going to tell him." She said. 

"Well, that's just nice. Don't tell the man he's going to be a father. You're just the Person of the Month, eh?" Doug asked and stood quickly, ignoring the tears pouring from Carol's eyes. He made his way out of the diner and stalked off. Carol kept her head bent, feeling the stares of the other customers on her. Finally she placed some money on the table and stood, making her own way out of the restaurant. She couldn't go back to work, not now. She took off on a walk, going in the opposite direction Doug had gone. 

[-----[]-----] 

The next morning, Carol stood at the admit desk when she heard some whispers coming off to the side. Chuny and Lydia were conversing quietly, not aware that Carol was standing close enough to hear. 

"Did you hear about Doug?" Chuny asked. 

"Yeah, can you believe it?" Lydia replied. 

"I can't believe he would resign and leave Carol here." Carol's heart clenched. Resign? 

"Something must have happened between them." Lydia replied. 

"No doubt." Chuny said. 

"Well, I wonder how Carol's taking the news." Lydia wondered. Not well, Carol thought and walked off unnoticed. She looked around the exam rooms, trying to find Doug. Finally she found him in Exam Three working on charts. 

"Doug?" Carol asked. He sighed as she walked in but he looked up at her. She walked into the room. "Are you resigning?" She asked. Doug looked down at his papers briefly before looking up at her and nodding. 

"Yes." He replied stiffly. Carol let out a strangled cry. 

"Doug, don't do this!" 

"Why not?" Doug asked. Carol bit her lip to fight off the tears. 

"County needs you. You're the best doctor in this fucking hospital!" Carol said, letting her anger and frustration spill through. 

"County doesn't need me." 

"Yes, they do." Carol sighed. "Doug, this is your home. Your life is in this hospital. Your friends are here. Don't leave just because I screwed everything up." Carol paused and watched him. "I'm getting an abortion." She said. He stopped and simply stared at her. 

"Carol.." 

"No. I don't want this baby, I don't love Greg." She closed her eyes. "Look, don't leave, please. Not for me, but for yourself. If you really don't think you can work with me, I'll resign. County needs you more than they need me. I'm just a nurse. You're the best doctor I've ever worked with, regardless of what rules everyone preaches. Nurses can be hired in a lot of places, doctors can't." 

"Carol, no. You're not resigning." Doug said. 

"You don't have to, either." Carol said desperately. "You don't want to go to a new hospital, with new people, new rules, new everything. I know you well enough to know you'd hate it." She closed her eyes briefly. "I'll avoid you as much as I can. I'll only work with you only when it's necessary. But please, please don't leave." Carol's eyes filled with tears and her heart clenched. She tried to blink the tears away so he wouldn't notice them, but he did. 

"Carol..You're sacrificing too much for me." 

"What am I sacrificing?" Carol asked. 

"Your child." Carol shook her head. 

"Doug..I'm not having an abortion because of you. I'm having one because this child is Greg's. I don't love him. I don't love this child. I couldn't raise this baby. Not alone, not under these circumstances. I don't want this child. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I can't keep it." 

"Alright." Doug murmured. 

"Are you going to resign?" Carol asked. 

"I suppose not." Doug said. Carol's head dropped. 

"Good." She whispered. She lifted her head and nodded. "I'll let you get back to work now." She turned and walked out of the room. Doug watched her go and stared at the door, long after she was gone. 

"Fuck this." He muttered and threw his pen across the room. It didn't help, but the energy seeped out and left him empty. He buried his face into his hands and sighed deep and long. 

[-----[]-----] 

Later that night, Carol lay on a cold hospital gurney, her legs up in stirrups. She closed her eyes and took deep even breaths as she heard the whir of the machine, taking her child from her. Carol wasn't sure if she should be crying, but she couldn't bring herself to feel anything but numbness. 

An abortion. She never thought she would be doing this. 

[-----[]-----] 

The next morning, Doug ran into the ER, breathing heavily from the exercise. He ran to the admit desk where Mark was standing. 

"Mark! Is Carol here? Where is she?" Doug asked. Mark looked up. 

"She's in the lounge." Mark said. Doug turned and pushed into the lounge, nearly running into Carol who was heading out. 

"Carol!" He exclaimed. She backed up a little, surprised. 

"Doug." She said. He took her shoulders in his hands and breathed deeply. 

"Did you do it?" He asked. Her heart flipped in her chest. He was talking to her, on his own free will. 

"Do what?" She asked. 

"The abortion." He said. 

"Last night." She replied. He let go of her and cursed loudly. He began to pace. "What?" Carol asked. 

"The baby could have been mine!" Doug exclaimed. Carol's mouth dropped open and her eyes widened. 

"Oh God." She whispered and her hand flew up to her mouth. 

"We..It could have happened the night before, or two nights before Greg. It could have been my child!" Doug said. 

"Oh Doug, I never even thought of that." She said as tears filled her eyes. He shook his head and looked at her. 

"No. I have to believe that it was Greg's child. Because I am not going to grieve for a child that wasn't mine. It was his, not mine. I have to think that." He stopped and took a deep breath. "Or it will hurt too much." 

"Doug.." Carol reached a hand out to him but he stepped back to avoid it. 

"You should believe that, too." Doug said before walking out of the lounge. Carol sat shakily on the couch and buried her face in her hands. 

"Oh God." She murmured. 

[-----[]-----] 


	2. Only the Strong Survive Part Two

Please title this page. (Page 2)

[-----[]-----] 

July 19th 

[-----[]-----] 

This takes place about a week or so after the first chapter. 

[-----[]-----] 

"Doug?" Carol asked. 

"Hm?" He looked up at her. She handed him a chart. 

"We've got a six-year-old in Exam Two, complaining of abdominal pain." 

"'Kay." Doug said and headed to Exam Two, Carol on his heels. She watched the back of his head, studying him as he swaggered down the hall in that sexy walk of his. She bent her head and thought of how they rarely talked anymore and when they did it was about a patient. Everyday Carol felt a sense of deja vu from a time when she had been dating Tag and ignoring Doug in the way he ignored her now. But instead of her being upset with him, it was the other way around and she had to live with herself every day, knowing she caused that. 

[-----[]-----] 

Doug slid the key into the door of his new apartment and walked into the tiny living room. He threw the keys and his coat onto the table and walked into the kitchen. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and headed back to the living room. He flipped on his TV and sat on the couch he had taken from his mother's attic. 

When he couldn't find anything to watch, he turned it off and headed to his old record player that he had had in high school, which he had also taken out of his mother's attic. He put on an old favorite of his and let the music blast out at him. 

It didn't suit his mood, but he'd rather listen to ear-splitting music then depressing blues. He took a swig of his beer and moved to the window, looking down onto the streets of Chicago. 

God, he missed her. Seeing her smile. Hearing her laugh. Talking to her as they fell asleep. Kissing her. Making love to her. Taking walks through the park, eating ice cream and holding hands. Making fun of co-workers after long shifts. Teasing her about her lack of sports knowledge. Eating her burnt eggs. Hell, he missed everything. Even the way she liked to complain about him leaving his clothes all over the floor. 

Doug looked over at the phone and thought about calling her, picking up the phone and dialing the number to her house, his old house. But he couldn't, he knew. She had hurt him, horribly. He wasn't even sure he knew what he wanted anymore. 

Hell, who was he kidding? He wanted her, desperately. But he wasn't sure he wanted her to know that he needed her, just to breath. He couldn't sleep without her by his side anymore. Why did she have to do this? Why couldn't she just have been ready? Why couldn't she just have come home a little early that night? No, because then Doug wouldn't have known she wasn't ready, she didn't want to commit to him. 

Damn, it still stung. Every time he thought it. Well, he thought, he'd just have to stop thinking about it. But he couldn't. 

[-----[]-----] 

Carol crawled into her bed, pulling her covers up to her shoulders. She grabbed Doug's pillow and buried her nose in it, still able to smell him, even after all this time. She still slept in his shirts, the ones he had left. She knew it was ridiculous to hang on this long, but she couldn't let go yet. She had to keep pretending, hoping he would come back to her. She knew she was only fooling herself. 

The tears started slowly and then the sobs came. She buried her face further into his pillow, muffling the sounds of her cries and cutting off her oxygen. She finally pulled away, gulping in air between sobs and hiccups. 

Damn it, damn it, damn it, she thought. It was stupid to do this to herself every night. But she couldn't stop herself, couldn't quit hurting so. 

Oh, how had she been so stupid?! How could she have had sex with someone else? How could she have let him go? Why did she do it? Oh, God, why? The sobs came again, harsher than before and she surrendered to them, letting them overtake her body until she fell into an exhausted, restless sleep. 

[-----[]-----] 

The next morning, Carol was standing at the admit desk, staring down at a paper in her hands but not really seeing it. She had her elbow propped up on the desk and her face in her hand. She let her eyes flutter closed. Out of the corner of his eye, Doug watched her. She hadn't been sleeping well, he noticed. 

"Why don't you talk to her?" Doug jolted and looked at Mark. 

"Who?" Doug asked, trying to act innocent. Mark rolled his eyes and tilted his eyes to Carol. Doug shrugged and wrote his name on a chart. 

"Doug, look at her. She's miserable." Mark murmured softly. Doug glanced at her but didn't say anything. Mark sighed, shook his head and walked to Carol. 

"Carol?" He murmured. 

"Huh?" She straightened. "Oh, sorry Mark." 

"Tired?" He asked with a understanding smile. She nodded. 

"Yeah. I didn't sleep well last night." She said, unaware that Doug was in hearing distance. 

"Why not? Is something wrong?" Mark asked. She smiled weakly. 

"Besides the obvious? No." She said. Mark nodded and glanced over his shoulder. Doug was walking in the opposite direction, a chart in hand. But he had heard what she had said and was now mulling over it in his mind. 

[-----[]-----] 

Doug turned to walk the corner but stopped when he heard Carol's voice. 

"I'm okay, Elizabeth." 

"Are you sure?" Elizabeth asked. Carol smiled. 

"Well, I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about him. I wish all of this wouldn't have happened, but besides that, I'm fine." 

"You've shadows under your eyes." Elizabeth noted. 

"I haven't been sleeping. I can't seem to sleep easily without him by my side." 

"Why don't you talk to him?" 

"Doug won't listen. He doesn't want to hear my apologies, my begging him to take me back." Doug heard the slight hint of a sad smile in her voice. "After all this time, if he wanted me back, he would have said something. It's really not my place to ask him back. If he wants me back, he has to make the first move. It's his decision." Carol said. 

"I guess you're right." Elizabeth said. Doug turned around and walked in the other direction, really not wanting to get caught eavesdropping. 

[-----[]-----] 

Later that afternoon, Doug glanced up from a chart to find himself gazing into Carol's eyes. She watched him just a moment more before looking down and walking away. Doug sighed and closed his eyes briefly. Mark watched the whole encounter, thinking that one of them was about to give in to their love for the other. 

[-----[]-----] 

"How's it going, Carol?" Mark asked minutes later in the lounge. She sighed and smiled slightly. 

"Not too great." She said. 

"Why not?" Mark asked. 

"I don't think I can work beside him like this for much longer. I hate it." She said. He nodded. 

"Have you talked to him?" 

"No." 

"Why don't you?" 

"If Doug wants to listen, he'll talk to me." Carol said. Mark shrugged. 

"Maybe." He said. Carol smiled. 

"I'm dealing with it. It'll get better." Carol said. Mark could see in her eyes and her face that she didn't believe her own words. 

[-----[]-----] 

Right before Doug headed home, he checked the log and saw that Carol was off all day tomorrow, as was he. He swallowed and nodded to himself before exiting the hospital. 

[-----[]-----] 

"Hello?" Carol asked, picking up the phone and sitting on the edge of her bed. 

"Carol." Carol's eyes widened and she straightened. 

"Hey Doug." She said softly. 

"How are you?" He asked. She smiled slightly. 

"I'm okay." She said. He nodded. 

"Uh, well. Before I left work, an hour ago, I checked the logs. You're not working tomorrow." Carol's heart rate increased. 

"No." She said slowly. 

"Um, neither am I and uh, I was wondering..." He trailed off and Carol closed her eyes in relief. 

"Yes?" She asked. 

"I wanted to know if you wanted to get lunch somewhere. I thought...I thought I could pick us something up from that chicken place you love and take it down to the park. We can eat and...and talk." Doug said. 

"Doug..I'd love that. Okay." She said. He smiled. 

"Alright. Uh, how does twelve sound?" Doug asked. 

"That sounds great. The bench?" She asked, speaking of their favorite bench in the park. 

"Yeah." 

"Okay. I'll uh, I'll see you then." Carol said. 

"Yeah. Goodnight, Carol." 

"Night, Doug." They hung up. Carol closed her eyes in relief and wiped away the tear of relief that fell out of her eye. 

[-----[]-----] 

Doug took a deep breath and looked out towards Carol. She was sitting on their bench, facing the lake. Doug began walking, the plastic bag filled with their lunch swishing against his leg and alerting Carol of his presence before he arrived at the bench. 

She smiled up at him, her heart fluttering in her chest at the first sight of him, as it always did. Her stomach was full of butterflies who began to do loop-de-loops as he sat down beside her. 

"Hey." She murmured. He sat the plastic bag between them. 

"Hey." He replied. She slipped her gloves off her hands and watched his breath puff out in the cold air. 

"I can't believe we're going to eat chicken, outside, in the middle of March." Carol said, trying to lighten the mood. Doug chuckled genuinely. 

"Me neither. Just something new." He said and bit his tongue at the uncomfortable silence that had settled between them. Something new, he thought and cursed himself for throwing that happy time they had had in the air now. She pulled the cardboard box out of the bag and opened it up, pushing those thoughts away. 

"Mm." She murmured. "That smells great." She reached in and took out a chicken leg. Doug reached in himself and picked a wing. 

"There's napkins in there, if you need them. I didn't get anything to drink. I couldn't carry it all." He said. 

"That's okay." She replied and bit into the chicken. She smiled. "God, I love this chicken." She said. He smiled at her. They ate silently for a few minutes before Doug placed the wing back into the bag and took out a napkin and wiped the grease from his fingers. 

"Carol.." He murmured. She placed the leg back and took her own napkin. 

"Yeah?" She replied softly, the nerves drumming high again. 

"I want you..to know how sorry I am, for the way I've been acting. I've been the biggest asshole on the planet." Doug said. Carol smiled. 

"You were allowed to be. What I did...Was inexcusable." She said. He nodded. 

"I won't pretend that you didn't hurt me. Extremely." He sighed and looked out at the lake before turning to her. "But..part of it was my fault." 

"No, Doug.." 

"I pressured you." He continued, ignoring her comment. "And you ran away from it. I wish you wouldn't have went to another man's bed, but I wouldn't listen to your protests, so it's my fault that you went. It's not my fault where you went, but it's my fault you did. So.." He stopped and remained silent for a few moments, looking at the lake, as Carol swam in her shame. He sighed and turned back to her. 

"What I really meant to say is I'm dying here inside. Without you." Doug said. Carol smiled softly, feeling the tickle of tears in the back of her throat. 

"I miss you more each day." She paused and glanced down before looking back into his chocolate eyes. "There's not a night I haven't cried." She whispered. He reached out and took her cold cheek into his surprisingly warm hand. 

"The truth is I'm not that strong. No matter how much I tried, I'm still holding on." He smiled as he saw the tears come into her eyes. "I'm still in love with you." He murmured. 

"Oh, Doug. I'm so sorry for what I did." She said and reached up and cupped her hand around his wrist. He smiled slightly. 

"I overreacted." Doug said. Carol shook her head, but he nodded. "I was thinking. This is just the same as years ago when I slept with other women when I was dating you. But you stayed. For longer than I did. The only things different are you only did it once, with good reason, and you got pregnant. But then I got to thinking. I may have gotten any number of those women pregnant. They didn't know me, they may not have wanted to tell me." He sighed. "It's all the same. And you tolerated me for much longer." He sighed. "And you even had reason to do it. I pressured you." 

"It's not your fault, Doug. It's not." Carol said. Doug sighed and rubbed his thumb over her cheek. 

"I need to know if you'll have me back despite the way I acted." Doug said. Carol smiled. 

"You know I will." She said. He closed his eyes briefly and nodded before opening them again. 

"I'll give you all the time you need. I'll let you decide when you are ready to live with me again. When you want to take the next steps in our relationship. I can wait. Because I will wait forever for you, Carol Hathaway." This time the tears fell. 

"Doug, I want you to move back in." 

"Carol.." 

"No, Doug, listen to me. I want to go back to how we were before, as much as we can. I cannot sleep without you by my side. And I love you. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that I love you and I want you. Only you." 

"Well, I'm glad because I want you, and only you, too." Carol smiled. 

"I had similar conversations with Tag like this. After my suicide attempt. He kept wanting me to move back in and I didn't want to." Carol sighed. "The difference between then and now is I love you, more than anyone I've ever loved, will love, or could love." Carol said. Doug smiled and cupped her cheeks in his hands. 

"Then I suppose I'll move back in with you." Doug said. Carol laughed a bit, tears still leaking from her eyes as Doug took his mouth to hers and felt their love flow freely through. No more restrictions. 

[-----[]-----] 


End file.
